My Sunday

I am so far behind in blogging but all that will have to wait. Today during Sacrament meeting as I was sitting in my usual seat in the foyer I starting thinking about things and I got a little overwhelmed. There seems to be so much going on right now and as I know that no one reads this blog I can post about things and not worry about them getting out. Since we have been back to St. George I have felt like we have been struggling financially, I know everyone does so why am I complaining? This is my pity post so complain away I go, if you don't like it you don't have to read it. I HATE being poor!!! With David in school and me only working part time we have struggled a bit. Then all of David's school stuff adds on top of being poor. David went to one semester at Dixie State and now is transferring to Steven's Henegar, why? Because they will accept more credits from Coleman University. Dixie wouldn't take any. So we had to go thru the whole shebang of David transferring to another school again, good thing...no break between classes so no break in our housing money from the GI Bill. Then there is my job, there is so much drama that goes on. Some days I am glad that I only work part time and I am kind of oblivious to everyone else's problems. Some days I feel like I really should go full time so that we can have health benefits but then I think about how much I disliked Christy growing up in daycare and being home with Treyven two days a week out weighs working for benefits. Then there's Treyven. I love the little man more than anything in the whole world, some days I just feel like I need a break, those times are mostly on Sundays when we are getting dirty looks because Treyven is fussing. I wonder why on Earth I ever wanted two babies close together. I have a hard time taking care of Treyven adequately (sometimes I feel like the worst mother on Earth) how am I going to be able to take care of two children under two? I guess David and I will both have permanent seats in the foyer on Sunday's. Then there's Christy. We seem to have reverted backwards with her. Some days David has to step in and do all the parenting because she gets me so riled up. We are so much alike and we butt heads on so many things, good things she's almost a teenager huh? She might have to stay locked in her room when she starts having her monthly cycle. She really is a good girl, we are just having a moment. Next on the list...buying a house. Didn't I just post about being poor? One of the many blessings from David being in the Military is that we can apply for a VA loan, which means no down payment, no monthly mortgage fees and some other good things. It also means that poor people like us can qualify for a small loan. The loan is so small that all the houses that we qualify for are being bought as soon as they go on the market. And the homes are also not of the best quality and more likely than not will need some form of work. Which in normal situations wouldn't be a big deal David and I are both able bodied adults, but in my situation the amount of work I can do is limited, and I don't want to move into a house that I don't think is fit for my babies, and I have some pretty high standards, and yes I know that pride is of the devil....shoot me now. I am frustrated that I was so prideful that we bought that Pilot, I now wish I had listened to others and bought a van. A van would be a much better fit for our growing family, but no, I had to have a Pilot and one that we couldn't really afford to buy on our own. Good thing I know a pretty generous bank....love you mom and dad and thanks for indulging me.

So what have I covered: being POOR, David's school, my job, Christy, Treyven, two babies, house hunting, my pride, and our Pilot, whats left?

My dirty house. I have no energy, I am constantly tired, I have had the same headache for almost twelve weeks, I am nauseous most of the time, so my house is a complete wreck. I wish we could afford to have a maid service come over and deep clean my house.

Bills, they seem overwhelming. Someone in the Navy screwed up and calculated David's last pay check wrong so we owe the Military almost five hundred dollars. Then since we have no health insurance but one in my situation must seek medical treatment we now have medical bills, not to mention a monthly bill for a pre-natel vitamin that costs more than we spend on groceries in one month.

Then there are the usual complaints: I feel fat, I am not proud of the way I look, I wish we had more money, oh here's another complaint. A certain person refused to co-operate with David so tomorrow he must drive to Vegas to attend family court so his child support can go down and he can see his daughter more. This whole situation that was started in December could have been solved months ago but stubborn pride (not on my part) got in the way. I hope the judge socks it to you, just sayin! Oh and once again David and I are starting the process to get his sealing cancelled so that he and I can be sealed, hopefully before November. Here's the kicker, remember all the house stuff? If we end up buying a house and moving we will have to start over from square one. I am ready for David and I to be sealed. I don't want our second child to be born not under the covenant. I want our family to be an eternal family.

I think I covered all my concerns. Once in awhile everyone is allowed to have one of these days, right? There are many things that I am grateful for as well. I know that things could be so much worse. The Lord has truly blessed our family. We are all healthy (with the exception of my present situation needing medical attention, but I'm still healthy), we have the financial means to support ourselves. We have a roof over our heads and two running vehicles, David and I both have part time jobs. We are not having to pay for Davids school, we are members of the true church here on the Earth. We live close to most of our family members and know that that is a huge support system. Heavenly Father has blessed up with fulfilling our covenant to multiply and replenish the earth. There are to many blessings to name each one. It feels better to write down my concerns to get them off my chest so that I can move forward. I also know that we are given no trials that we can not over come if we just remember to lean on the Lord and do our part.