Here's the skinny

Yesterday I had another appointment with Dr. Brody my Fertility Specialist. David got to go with me. We had another ultrasound. Our little alien measures 27mm long. According to the ultrasound I was 9 weeks and 3 days yesterday. Six days off where we thought I was. But we knew that the previous date was not accurate as my cycles are not regular. The heart was beating 140 times a minute. So far everything looks good. We have been very blessed to make it this far into the pregnancy. Today I had my first IVIG treatment. I was scared to have it but it turned out okay. Bob from Accredo came over to the house and gave me the treatment. It took a little over three hours. Things went smoothly. Now I just have a really bad headache and I can only take Tylenol :( Oh well. Next Monday i have another appointment with Dr. Brody and then on Thursday I get to meet with the nurse at the Balboa OB clinic, Oh Joy!!! I am not excited about having to have my baby at Balboa. I don't trust Navy doctors. I just have to trust that Heavenly Father knows whats best for me and this baby and that things will work out the way they are supposed too. But I can still complain about the Balboa part....right? Thats all for now. Updates will be posted as I attend appointments!!

Our Christmas Miracle

Heavenly Father blessed our family with a miracle this Christmas! On Friday December 3, 2010 I found out that I was pregnant. We have been waiting so long for this. We have been trying to keep this little miracle a secret because of my history of miscarriages. It seems that in the past I have told everyone right away and then have to turn around and tell them that I lost the baby. David and our home teacher gave me a blessing when I found out. During the last few months I have been meeting with a Fertility specialist to find out why it is so hard for me to get and stay pregnant. After all the testing many things were found that have been causing my problems. David and I have a matching gene type, I have what they suspect is a hydrosalpinx (they couldn't do that test because I got pregnant), I tested high for Lupus, I have a Folic Acid deficiency, my body does not produce needed progesterone, I have a anti coagulation problem, I lack protective blocking antibodies, I have para-ovarian cysts, and I had an inflamed Fallopian tube. I think that is the complete list of problems working against me. Despite all these problems Heavenly Father blessed me with the miracle of pregnancy. I take 11 pills a day and I have to give myself a shot in the tummy once a day, and I have to have Immuneo-globins given to me thru an IV. This part scares me. I have my first one scheduled for this coming Wednesday. Thankfully TriCare has paid for the majority of my bills. They reimbursed the immune labs at a lower rate and they don't cover the IVIG at all as it is not FDA approved for treatment of miscarriages. I go in Tuesday for another visit with the fertility specialist. I like going to see him because at each visit I get an ultrasound. I already have two ultrasound pictures of the baby. If you go by the first day of my last period I am about nine and a half weeks pregnant. This may or may not be accurate as I do not have regular cycles. Hopefully on Tuesday I will get a better idea of where I really am in the pregnancy. My due date has been estimated around July 24, 2011. We have been praying and fasting that things will work out the way that Heavenly Father intends. We have been at peace with this pregnancy (at least as much as can be expected). We have a long road ahead of us before this baby is born. We are so excited for this baby!! As time progresses we will be telling more people but for now we are still keeping it within the family. Mom and Dad I am sure that you suspected that I was pregnant. And Ann was pretty convinced when we were at her house last weekend. I ate so much! So far I have not had any nausea and I crave really cold water, celery and McDonald's hamburgers plain with a packet of mayonnaise and extra salt and pepper. David has been so good to make sure that I have been taking it easy. I have been so tired lately, and take a nap almost daily. I hope that Heavenly Father blessed each of you this Holiday season and that the true Spirit of Christmas found it's way into each of your homes.
Miracles happen and we are so grateful to Heavenly Father for giving us this one!!

Walk with Christ...Day 14

Day 14 Questions:
What is the pure love of Christ?
These past 14 days have I felt a greater love for my savior?
Have I felt His love?
Can I commit myself to live each day as He would?
Story: The Touch of the Master's Hand

'Twas battered and scarred, and the auctioneer
Thought it scarcely worth his while
To waste much time on the old violin,
But he held it up with a smile:
"What am I bidden, good folks?" he cried,
"Who'll start the bidding for me?"
"A dollar, a dollar"; then, "Two!" "Only two?
Two dollars and who'll make it three?
Three dollars, once; three dollars twice;
Going for three--", but no,
From the room far back, a grey-haired man
Came forward and picked up the bow;
Then, wiping the dust from the old violin,
And tightening the loose strings,
He played a melody pure and sweet
Like a caroling angel sings.
The music ceased and the auctioneer,

With a voice that was quiet and low,
Sid: "What am I bid for the old violin?"
And he held it up with the bow.
"A thousand dollars, and who'll make it two?
Two thousand! and who'll make it three?
Three thousand once, three thousand twice,
And going and gone." said he.
The people cheered, but some of them cried,
"We do not quite understand
What changed it's worth?" Swift came the reply:
"The touch of the masters hand."

And many a man with life out of tune,
And battered and scarred with sin,
Is auctioned cheap to the thoughtless crowd,
Much like the old violin.
A 'mess of pottage,' a glass of wine;
A game -- and he travels on.
He is 'going' once and 'going' twice,
He's 'going' and almost 'gone.'
But the Master comes and the foolish crowd,
Never can quite understand
The worth of a soul and the change that's wrought

By the touch of the Master's hand.

Scriptures:
Moroni 7:40-48

Walk with Christ... Day 13

Today is day 13 of our 14 day walk with Christ. Below are your questions, story, and scriptures to read. Remember to ponder the questions and keep in mind the story that you read and perhaps take it with you to re-read. At the end of the day, evaluate how you did, and write your thoughts and feelings in your journal.

Day 13 Questions:
Do I really love Christ?
Do I keep ALL the commandments?
Have I put another God before Christ?

Story: Jenny's Pearls

Jenny was a bright-eyed pretty five year old girl. One day when she and her mum was checking out at the grocery store, Jenny saw a plastic pearl necklace priced at $5. How she loved those pearls. When she asked her mum if she could buy it for her, her mum said "well, it cost an awful lot of money. I'll tell you what, when we get home we can do a list of chores to help you pay for the necklace. And don't forget next weekend when grandma comes to visit she might give you a dollar coin, too." Jenny agreed and her mum bought her the plastic pearl necklace.

How she loved her pearl necklace. She wore them everywhere, at kindergarten, to bed, and even when she do an errand with her mum. The only time she doesn't wear them is when she takes a shower, because her mother told her it would turn her neck green.

Jenny have a loving father. Everynight he would read Jenny her favourite story. One night after reading Jenny her favourite story, he asked her "Jenny, do you love me?" "Oh yes daddy, you know I love you" Jenny replied. He said "Well then, give me your pearls." "Oh no, not my pearls." Jenny answered. "But you can have Rosie, my favourite doll. Remember her? You gave her to me for my birthday. You can have Rosie if you want to, daddy." she added. "That's okay darling." Her father replied. He brushed her cheeks with a kiss good night "Sweet dreams little one."

A few days later after her story, her father asked Jenny again "Jenny, do you love me?" "Oh yes daddy, you know I love you." Jenny replied. Her father said "well then, give me your pearls." " Oh no daddy, not my pearls. But you have Robin, my toy horse. Her hair is so soft, and you can play and braid it and everything. You can have Robin if you want her daddy." Jenny replied. "That's okay darling." Her father brushed her cheeks with a kiss "Goodnight little one, God bless."

A week later, when her father went to Jenny's room to read her favourite story, Jenny's lips were trembling. She held out her hand and there was her beloved pearl necklace. Her father took the necklace on one hand, and on the other slip out from his pocket a velvet blue box. Inside were real genuine pearl necklace. He had had them all along, he was just waiting for Jenny to give up her cheap necklace.

So it is with our Father in Heaven, He want to bless us with real treasures in life. We need to think what we hold on to in our lives and ponder what God might give us in their place.


Scriptures:

John 13:34-35
John 14:15
3 Nephi 13:20-21,24, 33

Walk with Christ... Day 12

Today is day 12 of our 14 day walk with Christ. Below are your questions, story, and scriptures to read. Remember to ponder the questions and keep in mind the story that you read and perhaps take it with you to re-read. At the end of the day, evaluate how you did, and write your thoughts and feelings in your journal.

Day 12 Questions:
How can the Holy Ghost help me to know the truth?
How can I gain a knowledge of Jesus Christ?
Do I take the time to read my scriptures each day?
Do I take the time to pray AND listen for the answers?
In all my decisions today will I ask, "What would Christ do?"

Story: Acquiring Spiritual Knowledge

President Ezra Taft Benson emphasized the importance of spiritual knowledge, saying:
We should make daily study of the scriptures a lifetime pursuit. The most important [thing] you can do is to immerse yourselves in the scriptures. Search them diligently. Learn the doctrine. Master the principles. You must see that searching the scriptures is not a burden laid upon [us] by the Lord, but a marvelous blessing and opportunity (Ensign, Nov. 1986, p. 47).

President Spencer W. Kimball commented:
Spiritual learning takes precedence. The secular without the foundation of the spiritual is like the foam upon the milk, the fleeting shadow. One need not choose between the two for there is opportunity to get both simultaneous (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1982, p. 390).

As you seek spiritual knowledge, search for principles. Carefully separate them from the detail used to explain them. Principles are concentrated truth, packaged for application to a wide variety of circumstances. A true principle makes decisions clear even under the most confusing and compelling circumstances. It is worth great effort to organize the truth we gather to simple statements of principle. I have tried to do that with gaining spiritual knowledge. The result is now shared in hope that it will be a beginning place for your study. That statement of principle is:
To acquire spiritual knowledge and to obey it with wisdom, one must:

In humility, seek divine light.
Exercise faith in Jesus Christ.
Hearken to His counsel.
Keep His commandments.
As spiritual knowledge unfolds, it must be understood, valued, obeyed, remembered, and expanded.

Scriptures:

D&C 88:118
2 Nephi 10:14

Walk with Christ...Day 11

Today is day 11 of our 14 day walk with Christ. Below are your questions, story, and scriptures to read. Remember to ponder the questions and keep in mind the story that you read and perhaps take it with you to re-read. At the end of the day, evaluate how you did, and write your thoughts and feelings in your journal.

Day 11 Questions:
How does the Lord want me to serve?
Is the Lord first in my life?
What am I doing to build up the Lord and His Kingdom?
How do I really feel about the service I give others?
Does serving the Lord make me happy?

Story: His Hands

His Hands tools of creation
Stronger than nations
Power without end
And yet through them We find our truest Friend
His Hands Sermons of kindness

Healing men's blindness
Halting years of pain
children waiting To be held again

His Hand would serve His whole life though
Showing man what hands might do
Giving, ever giving endlessly

Each day was filled with selflessness
And I'll not rest
Til I make my hands what they could be
Like the ones from Galilee

His Hands Warming a beggar
Lifting a leper
Calling back the dead
Breaking bread Five thousand fed

His hands Hushing contention
Pointing to Heaven Ever free of sin
Then bidding man to follow Him

They take His hands
His mighty hands
Those gentle hands and then they pierce them
They pierce them
He lets them because of love

From birth to death was selflessness and clearly now
I see Him with His hands calling to me
and though I'm not yet how I could be
I will make My hands like those from Galilee

To serve others willingly and unselfishly should be one of our greatest virtues. It is not even a matter of choice. It is an obligation, a sacred command...Therefore, let us serve one another with brotherly love, never tiring of the demands upon us, being patient and persevering and generous. -- Ezra T. Benson New Era Sept 1979, p.44


Scriptures:

D&C 4:1-7
Moroni 7:5-8

Achievement Days

Last night the leader from the 12th ward, the 3rd branch and the other leader in my ward all got together for a planning meeting. It started at 6:30 and ended a little after 8pm. We got a lot of activities planned. I am in charge of four activities between now and the end of May 2011. Somehow as the Assistant Achievement Day leader I end up with more responsibility than the LEADER in our ward. This bugs me, I know I shouldn't let it but it does. Starting in the new year the Mong branch girls will be coming to our activities as well. I'm not sure how many girls that will add but we already have a fairly large group with the three wards. Today I sent out an email to all the moms in my ward. Now I am starting to wonder if maybe that was a bad idea. We have girls that bring their cell phones and I-pods to the activities and they play with them and cause major distractions. We also have issues with parents not picking up the girls on time and the girls wander the church halls and cause problems. In my email I addressed both issues. The Bishop's daughter is in Achievement Days so he will see my email. I worry that some mothers will be upset. Maybe I will be released :) Oh well. How do the parents expect the girls to learn anything, feel the Spirit, or build friendships with the other girls when they are texting or listening to music. Next time I teach if I see any phones or I-pods out, I'm taking them away!! Last time when I taught the First Vision lesson a couple girls were very rude and obvious about their dislike of what we were doing that night. If they are more concerned with their electronic devices I am going to take them to the chapel where our Bishop will be practicing with the ward choir, he can deal with them. And enough of my venting! Get over and go plan great activities!

Walk with Christ...Day 10

Today is day ten of our 14 day walk with Christ. Below are your questions, story, and scriptures to read. Remember to ponder the questions and keep in mind the story that you read and perhaps take it with you to re-read. At the end of the day, evaluate how you did, and write your thoughts and feelings in your journal.

Day 10 Questions:
How is the Lord my light?
In the last ten days have I tried to make decisions on teachings contained in these messages?
What have I improved upon?

Story: His Image in Your Countenance

With no apparent beauty that man should Him desire, He was the promised Savior to purify with fire. The world despised His plainness, but those who followed Him found love and light and purity; a beauty from within. Have you received His image in your countenance? Does the Light of Christ shine in your eyes? Will He know you when He comes again Because you will be like Him? When He sees you will the Father know His child? We seek for light and learning as followers of Christ. That all may see His goodness reflected in our lives. When we receive His fullness and lose desire for sin. We radiate His perfect love, a beauty from within. The ways of man may tempt us and some will be deceived, preferring worldly beauty, forgetting truth received. But whisp'ring of the Spirit remind us once again, That lasting beauty, pure and clear, must come from deep within. By His everlasting image in your eyes?

Scriptures:

Helaman 5:12
1 Peter 2:21
D&C 84:43-47

Today has not been a good day and it's only noon. I didn't sleep well last night. After walking Christy to school I thought I would get some cleaning done, seeing as how tonight I am having the Achievement day planning meeting here at the house. I started cleaning but then got all dizzy and crampy and HOT. David had the heat turned up to 77. Are you kidding? So I turned off the heat opened some windows and took a little nap. I finally cooled off. I'm not dizzy anymore but one f my major chores today is laundry. Thant means that the dryer will be going, and that just increases the heat. I might be sitting outside in shorts and a t shirt for most of the day. David has been bugging me all morning. He keeps calling and wanting me to take care of things that just raise my blood pressure. When he was calling I was getting upset and I overheated. So here I sit at the computer trying to calm down and cool off. Then Christy's school calls. Today at lunchrecess Christy was chasing some boys around with a pair of scissors because they called her the devil. I definelty do not need this. Luckily they are not going to suspend her. What am I going to do with that girl? I really need a break away from myself. Anyone wanna be me for a day or two?

Monday December 6, 2010 David had the day off work. His command went one hundred days without any alcohol related incidents so everyone got the day off. We decided to go to Disneyland for the day.








It was David's first time seeing Disneyland all decked out for Christmas. We stopped and picked up Wendy before going to the park. She got us free parking and she got us into the park. She took the pictures of our family in front of the tree. Wendy ate lunch with us and then she had to go. We had a great day at Disneyland. It's nice that we have been so much because we know the rides we want to go on and we don't ever feel rushed. We had such a great time. We even stayed long enough to watch them light the castle and set off the fireworks. It was pretty amazing. And of course while we were there I had to go to the store in Pooh Corner and buy some Gingerbread men cookies. Disneyland has the best cookies and the best gingerbread that I've had. Sadly this time I did not buy any baby clothes. It seems that every time lately that I have gone to Disneyland they have a irresistible onsie that I just have to have. this time we only saw one Christmas one and I didn't really like it. Oh well. I bet David was glad. We love Disneyland! Thanks Wendy for being so great and helping us out. We love you!!!

On Saturday December 4 2010 we went to Universal Studios. The drive there was long and driving in LA is not fun. It's so dirty and the roads are narrow and not very well kept up. We had a pretty good time there. We got to see it snow, we saw Shrek and Fiona. My favorite ride was the Backlot tour. The escalators that take you down to the lower level made me sick. I wasn't feeling the best that day so David and Christy did a lot more than I did. We bought the all you can eat food passes. By the time the park was closing I was more than ready to go home. I am okay if I don't ever go to Universal Studios again. Disneyland is still my all time favorite theme/attraction park. We walked thru the House of Terror and Christy freaked out. She was crying by the time we were done. I guess we won't be taking her to any other haunted houses.

SeaBee Christmas Party

On Friday December 3, 2010 David and I attended his work Christmas party. The party was held at the officers club on North Island. The invitation said dinner, danicing and door prizes. The dress was semi formal. Semi formal has a whole different meaning to the people David work with. There were people in baggy, holey jeans and baseball caps. The dinner was a buffet set up with salad, vegetables, chicken, prime rib, and rolls. Then they had plain cheesecake for dessert. We didn't stay the whole time. At ten o'clock we decided we had had enough. Too many drunk sailors, and we weren't winning any door prizes. We had asked a girl from our ward to babysit Christy. When we got home I had David take the sitter home and I put Christy to bed. I was so tired that I didn't even check the house. When I got up Saturday morning and saw the house I was so MAD! The sitter had made maccaronni and cheese with chili for dinner and somehow dinner ended up all over my counters and sink and floor. Then someone had plugged in my Scentsy candle and had been playing in the wax so there was wax all over my carpet. She will never babysit again. I remember when I used to babysit that I was very respectful of the peoples homes that I was in. I didn't get into things and I cleaned up after myself. The sitter is 18 she should know better. David and i had a pretty good time at the party and it was nice to get out and spend an evening as a couple. We had another picture of just David and i in front of the tree but I have no idea who erased it so you are stuck with the crummy one.

Walk with Christ...Day 9

Today is day nine of our 14 day walk with Christ. Below are your questions, story, and scriptures to read. Remember to ponder the questions and keep in mind the story that you read and perhaps take it with you to re-read. At the end of the day, evaluate how you did, and write your thoughts and feelings in your journal.

Day 9 Questions:
How do I guard against pride?
Am I proud?
Do I do the right things for the right reasons?
Do I make a difference?

Story: Making a Difference

It was still early, the mist had not yet cleared from the sea. In the distance, a solitary figure stood throwing objects out over the water. Walking along the debris strewn beach, I looked at the masses of starfish scattered everywhere. The tide had thrown them in, stranding them on the beach. As the sun rose higher, they would soon perish.
Approaching the stranger, I could see that it was a starfish he was picking up and returning to the sea.

Our eyes met!

"Do you really think you can help? There are millions of starfish on this beach. You can help so few. Does it really make a difference? Does it matter?"

He reached down and picked up another starfish, looking at it intently.

"Oh yes," he replied. "It matters to this one."

Scriptures:

Proverbs 6:16-17
Proverbs 8:13
Alma 5:28
D&C 38:39

Walk with Christ...Day 8

Today is day eight of our 14 day walk with Christ. Below are your questions, story, and scriptures to read. Remember to ponder the questions and keep in mind the story that you read and perhaps take it with you to re-read. At the end of the day, evaluate how you did, and write your thoughts and feelings in your journal.

Day 8 Questions:
How do I guard my speech?

Story: Words & Goose Downs

A peasant with a troubled conscience went to a monk for advice. He said he had circulated a vile story about a friend, only to find that the story was not true. "If you would make peace with your conscience," said the monk, "You must first fill a bag with goose downs, go to every door in the village, and drop in each one of them a feather."
The peasant did as he was told. Then he came back to the monk and said he had done penance for his folly. "Not yet," replied the monk. "Take a bag, go two rounds again. And gather up every down that you have dropped." "But the wind must have blown them all away." Said the peasant. "Yes, my son" said the monk. "And so it is with your vile words. Words and goose downs are quickly dropped, but try as hard as you will, you can never get them back."

Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people: neither shalt thou stand against the blood of thy neighbour: I am the Lord. --Leviticus 19:16

Scriptures:

D&C 88:121
3 Nephi 12:33-37
Matthew 5:11

Walk with Christ...Day 7

Congratulations! You are almost halfway through this 14 day Walk with Christ. Have you felt closer to the Savior as you have pondered your personal relationship with Him? Have you been writing a thought or two in your journal to document your ideas about the Savior and your experiences with Him?

Today is day seven of our 14 day walk with Christ. Below are your questions, story, and scriptures to read. Remember to ponder the questions and keep in mind the story that you read and perhaps take it with you to re-read. At the end of the day, evaluate how you did, and write your thoughts and feelings in your journal.

Day 7 Questions:
How can I improve my thoughts?
Do I really want to keep all idle, unclean or negative thoughts out of my mind?
Do my thoughts affect my attitude?
Am I fit for myself to know?

Story: Myself

I have to live with myself, and so...
I want to be fit for myself to know
I want to be able as the days go by
Always to look myself straight in the eye
I don't want to stand with the setting sun
And hate myself for the things I've done.
I don't want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself...
And fool myself as I come and go
Into thinking that nobody else will know,
The kind of man (or woman) I really am.
I don't want to dress myself in shame.

I want to go out with my head erect;
I want to deserve all men's respect.
And, here in the struggle for fame and sec
If I want to be able to like myself.
I don't want to think, as I come and go
That I am bluster and bluff and empty show.

I can never hide myself from me.
I see what others may never see;
I know what others may never know
I can never fool myself!
And so---- whatever happens I want to be
Self respecting and conscience free!!!!

Scriptures:

D&C 6:16:
Alma 37:35-37
D&C 121:45-46

Walk with Christ...Day 6

Today is day six of our 14 day walk with Christ. Remember to ponder the questions and keep in mind the story that you read and perhaps take it with you to re-read. At the end of the day, evaluate how you did, and write your thoughts and feelings in your journal.

Day 6 Questions:
Am I truly listening to what the General Authorities teach during Conference?
Do I listen to Church leaders and teachers with an open heart?
Am I open with friends about my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?

Scriptures & Story

“’O the vainness, and the frailties, and the foolishness of men! When they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. And they shall perish.

‘But to be learned is good if they hearken unto the counsels of God’ (2 Nephi 9:28-29).

So declared Jacob, the son of Nephi, long ago. And Alma, who had been stricken dumb by an angel because of his wicked arrogance, speaking out of that harsh lesson said to his own son, Helaman:

‘O, remember, my son, and learn wisdom in thy youth; yea, learn in thy youth to keep the commandments of God . . . .’

‘Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God’ (Alma 37:35, 37).

He concluded by counseling Helaman, ‘Look to God, and live’ (Alma 37:37).

People ask me frequently what is my favorite verse of scripture. I have many and this is one of them, ‘Be thou humble; and the Lord thy God shall lead thee by the hand, and give thee answer to thy prayers’ (D&C 112:10).” Gordon B. Hinckley

President Ezra Taft Benson declared, “When pride has a hold on our hearts, we lose our independence of the world and deliver our freedoms to the bondage of men’s judgement. The world shouts louder than the whisperings of the Holy Ghost. The reasoning of men overrides the revelations of God, and the proud let go of the iron rod.” (See 1 Nephi 8:19-28, 11:25, 15:23-24.)


Resolve to stand a little taller:

I will strive to be humble and teachable.
I will acknowledge my dependence on my savior.
I will share my feelings about the gospel when prompted.

Walk with Christ...Day 5

Today is day five of our 14 day walk with Christ. Below are your questions, story, and scriptures to read. Remember to ponder the questions and keep in mind the story that you read and perhaps take it with you to re-read. At the end of the day, evaluate how you did, and write your thoughts and feelings in your journal.

Day 5 Questions:
Wherein lies the power of Christ?
Do I understand what Christ did for me?
Do I comprehend the great love He has for me?
How can I put myself in a position to have the atonement cover my sins?

Story: The Room

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that listed the authors or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different readings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was the one that read, "People I have liked". I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.

And then without being told I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of every moment, big and small, in detail my memory couldn't match.

The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. "Books I have read," "Lies I have told," "Comfort I have given," "Jokes I have laughed at". Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I have yelled at my brothers". Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I have done in my anger," "Things I have muttered under my breath to my parents". I never ceased to be suprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I had hoped.A sense of wonder and curiosity coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories, others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed".

I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of life I had lived. Could it be possible that I have time in my 20 years to write each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my handwriting. Each was signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked "Songs I have listened to," I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, ashamed, not so much by the quality of the music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented.

When I came to the file marked "Lustful thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: "No one must see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn those cards. But as I took it out and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card only to find it strong as steel when I tried to tear it.

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning on my forehead against the wall. I let out a long self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore "People I have shared the gospel with". The handle was brighter than those around it, newer and almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box no more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

But as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please, not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did he have to read every one?And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that the hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of files shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.

Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put his arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign his name over mine on each card.

"NO!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was, "No, no" as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with his own blood.

He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished".

I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written

Scriptures:

Below are the scriptures to read:

D & C 19:15-24
Mosiah 3:5
Mosiah 4:2-3
Mosiah 5:7-9

Walk with Christ...Day 4

Today is day four of our 14 day walk with Christ. Below are your questions, story, and scriptures to read. Remember to ponder the questions and keep in mind the story that you read and perhaps take it with you to re-read. At the end of the day, evaluate how you did, and write your thoughts and feelings in your journal.

Day 4 Questions:
From whom do I get my strength?
Am I too busy, hurried and involved with worldly matters that I neglect what is really important?

Story: Dear Friend

I apologize everyone, I mixed up the stories and scriptures from Day 3 and Day 4. Day three was suppose to be 'Dear Friend' and Day four was suppose to be 'Satan's Convention'. Below is the story related to Day 3:

Dear Friend, I just had to send you a note to tell you how much I love you and care about you.
I saw you yesterday as you were walking with your friends. I waited all day hoping you would want to talk with me also. It hurt me, but I still love you because I am your friend.

I saw you fall asleep last night, and I longed to touch your brow. So I spilled moonlight on your pillow and your face. Again I waited, wanting you to kneel down so that we could talk. I have so many gifts for you, but you awakened late the next day and rushed off to school. My tears were in the rain.

Today you look sad, so alone. It makes my heart ache because I understand. My friends let me down and hurt me so many times too. But, I love you. Oh, if you would only listen to me. I really love you. I try to tell you in the blue sky and in the green grass. I whisper in the leaves on the trees, and breathe it in the color of the flowers. I shout it to you in the mountain streams and give the birds love songs to sing, clothe you in warm sunshine and perfume the air with nature scents. My love for you is deeper than the oceans and bigger than the biggest want or need in your heart.

If you only knew how much I want to help you. I want you to meet my Father. He wants to help you too. My Father is that way, you know. Just call me, ask me, talk with me. Please, please don't forget me. I have so much to share with you. But, I won't hassle you any further. You are free to call me. It's up to you. I'll wait because I love you.

Your Brother, Jesus

Scriptures:

Below are the scriptures related to Day 3:

Proverbs 3: 5-6
II Corinthians 12: 9-10
Jacob 4:7
Ether 12:27

Walk with Christ...Day 3

Today is day three of our 14 day walk with Christ. Below are your questions, story, and scriptures to read. Remember to ponder the questions and keep in mind the story that you read and perhaps take it with you to re-read. At the end of the day, evaluate how you did, and write your thoughts and feelings in your journal.

Day 3 Questions:
Am I seeking Christ's help in all that I think or do?
Do I pray enough?
Do I pray with integrity?
Am I cutting myself off from vital nourishment?

Story: Satan's Convention

Satan called a worldwide convention. In his opening address to his evil angels, he said, "We can't keep the Christians from going to church. We can't keep them from reading their Bibles and knowing the truth. We can't even keep them from forming an intimate, abiding relationship experience in Christ. If they gain that connection with Jesus, our power over them is broken". "So let them go to their churches; let them have their conservative lifestyles, but steal their time, so they can't gain that relationship with Jesus Christ. This is what I want you to do, angels. Distract them from gaining hold of their Savior and maintaining that vital connection throughout their day!" "How shall we do this?" shouted his angels. "Keep them busy in the non essentials of life and invent innumerable schemes to occupy their minds,"he answered."Tempt them to spend,spend,spend, and borrow, borrow, borrow. Persuade the wives to go to work for long hours and the husbands to work 6-7 days each week, 10-12 hours a day, so they can afford their empty lifestyles".
This is what I want you to do angels. Distract them from Gaining hold of their Savior and maintaining that vital connection throughout their day!" "How shall we do this?" Shouted the angels. "Keep them busy in the nonessentials of life and invent unnumbered shams to occupy their minds." He answered. "Tempt them to spend, spend, spend, then borrow, borrow, borrow. Convince the wives to go to work and the husband to work six or seven days a week. Over-stimulate their minds so they cannot hear that still small voice. "Entice them to play the radio or cassette player whenever they drive, to keep the TV, the VCR, and their CD's going constantly in their homes. And see to it that every store and restaurant in the world plays music constantly. This will jam their minds and break that union with Christ". "Fill their coffee tables with magazines and newspapers. Pound their minds with the news 24 hours a day. Invade any other moments with order catalogues, every kind of newsletter and promotional offerings, free products, services and false hopes." "Even in their recreation, let them be excessive. Have them return from their recreation exhausted and unprepared for the coming week. Don't let them go out in nature. Send them to amusement parks, sporting events, and concerts instead." "And when they meet for spiritual fellowship, involve them in gossip and small talk so that they leave with troubled consciences and unsettled emotion." "Let them be involved in soul-winning. But crowd their lives with so many good causes that they have no time to seek the power from Christ. Soon they will be working their own strength, sacrificing their health and family unity for the good of the cause."
It was quite a convention in the end. And all the evil angels went eagerly to their assignments causing Christians everywhere to get busy, busy, busy, and rush here and there. Has the devil been successful at his scheme? You be the judge.

Scriptures:
John 15:1-27

Walk with Christ....Day 2

Today is day two of our 14 day walk with Christ. Below are your questions, story and scriptures to read. Remember to ponder the questions and keep in mind the story that you read and perhaps take it with you to re-read. At the end of the day, evaluate how you did, and write your thoughts and feelings in your journal.

Day 2 Questions:
How can I follow in Christ's steps today?
In all my decisions today I will ask, what would Christ do

Notes:
I will hearken to promptings received
I will think of myself as a disciple and sister of Jesus

Story: The Snake

A young girl was trudging along a mountain path, trying to reach her grandmother's house. It was bitter cold and wind cut like a knife. When she was within sight of her destination, she heard a rustle at her feet. Looking down, she saw a snake. Before she could move, the snake spoke to her. He said, "I'm about to die. It is too cold for me up here, and I am freezing. There is no food in these mountains, and I am starving. Please put me under your coat and take me with you." "No," replied the girl. "If I pick you up, you will bite me, and your bite is poisonous." "No, no." said the snake. "If you help me you will be my best friend, I will treat you differently."

The little girl sat down on a rock for a moment to rest and think things over. She looked at the beautiful markings on the snake and had to admit that it was the most beautiful snake she had ever seen. Suddenly she said, "I believe you, I will save you. All living things deserve to be treated with kindness." The little girl reached over, put the snake gently under her coat and proceeded toward her grandmother's house. Within a moment, she felt a sharp pain in her side. The snake had bitten her. "How could you do this to me?" She cried, "You promised that you would not bite me if I would protect you from the bitter cold?" The snake hissed, "you knew what I was when you picked me up," and slithered away.

Scriptures:
1 Peter 2:21: For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also asufferedfor us, leaving us an bexample, that ye should follow his steps:
Abraham 1:2: And, finding there was greater ahappiness and peace and rest for me, I sought for the blessings of the fathers, and the right whereunto I should be ordained to administer the same; having been myself a follower of brighteousness, desiring also to be one who possessed great cknowledge, and to be a greater follower of righteousness, and to possess a greater knowledge, and to be a father of many dnations, a prince of peace, and edesiring to receive instructions, and to keep the commandments of God, I became a rightful heir, a fHigh Priest, holding the right belonging to the fathers.
Moroni 7:48: Wherefore, my beloved brethren, apray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true bfollowers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall cbe like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be dpurified even as he is pure. Amen.

Walk with Christ....Day 1

My Relief Society is doing a 14 day walk with Christ. I decided to put it on my blog.
Today begins our first day of our 14 day walk with Christ. Each morning please leave enough time to read and ponder the questions sent for the day. Also, try to keep in mind the story that you read and perhaps take it with you to re-read. At the end of the day, evaluate how you did, write your thoughts and feelings in your journal.

Day 1 Questions:
1: What do I think of members of the Godhead?
2: How do I see myself as a daughter of God, member of God's family, sister to Jesus Christ?
3: How will understanding my place in the kingdom and my relationship to my Elder Brother help me to live a more Christ like life?

Story: I am a Princess
Deep inside my young heart lies the one I want to be. And deep inside my soul I find the seeds of divinity. Now and then I see glimpses of the woman I can become. I know someday I'll find her if I don't give up. Everyday, I'm closer to the one I want to be. And slowly I'm uncovering my heavenly qualities and I'll continue working toward the woman I can become. Developing my qualities through service and through love. I am a princess, a royal Queen I'll be. I must choose to find and use my divine qualities. Daughter of Heaven, a Queen someday, I'll be. An heir of my Mother in Heaven for eternity.

Scriptures:
1: D&C 76:23
2: Mormon 7:7
3: Article of Faith #1

Thanksgiving

On Sunday the 21st David and I put Christy on a plane headed to Salt Lake City to spend a week with Grandma Cosgrove. Monday the 22nd I went to a Maria Shriver food giveaway at the ASYMCA. I got a box filled with non perishible food and two bags of produce. Monday night David and I went out to dinner at Olive Garden. Wednesday when David got home from school at 9:30pm we left for Enterprise. We drove straight thru to Pine Valley. We got to the cabin around 5 am Utah time. We slept for a while after we got there. When we got up everyone was busy getting everything ready for Thanksgiving dinner. There were so many Bushar's at the cabin. The noise was deafening! I was so glad that I did not have to worry about any children. It was nice to just relax and enjoy the family. We had a very delicious feast. I had the best stuffing that I've ever had. I need to get the recipe. After dinner the Bushar's had a family meeting. This was the first one that I have been too. It was great, everyone took turns, there was no yelling, no crying, no fighting and people would raise their hand to talk. Thanksgiving was a great day. It was so nice to be up at the cabin with family. Friday David and I headed to St. George to see my family and run some errands. We had some shopping to do and we had to take David's glasses in for repair. We went to Kohls just to check on a MP3 player we had seen in their ad. We didn't ever find the MP3 player but the line of people waiting to check out looked like a two hour wait so I am glad that we couldn't find it. Craziness of Black Friday. We got to see Sarah and her kids, that was nice. We had a Beasley family meeting. So very different from the Bushar's. I was embarassed that Grandma Humes had to see what happened. My family meeting was out of control. Crying, fighting, raised voices, emotions high. Oh well, I'm just glad it's over. Friday night we spent at the cabin again. Saturday David got his hair cut and we went out to eat at Texas Roadhouse. We spent Saturday night at the World Mark in Vegas. Sunday morning we picked Christy up at the airport and headed home. It took a little over seven hours to get from Vegas to home. The traffic was crazy. I was so glad to get home. This week it is back to reality :( We only have one car right now so I am stuck at home. I guess that's probably a good thing though, that way I can't spend money :) I decorated the house and tree on Monday and last night David got me a new Christmas CD from Deseret book. I love this time of year!!!

The first picture is of David's mustache. This is the first time in out two and a half year marriage that I have seen him with facial hair. When he was out playing war he didn't shave and he let it go for last week as well. I took the picture right before he shaved it off. He has a lot of white and red hair in his moustache. The he middle picture is David and I at the cabin before we went out and played in the snow. David pulled me on the sled, we made snow angels and we had a snowball fight. The last picture is what it looked like outside of my hosue the other morning. The fog was really low and stayed for most of the morning.

Getting to know you...Tag from Facebook

I was tagged this on Facebook and thought that I would put it on my blog as well.

1. What time did you get up this morning?

6:30, that's my usual time on school days.

2. How do you like your steak?

Well done, there cannot be any pink.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

Secretariat at the base theatre.

4. What is your favorite TV show?

Right now there are three or four that I watch each week...One Tree Hill, ANTM, Undercover Boss and Biggest Loser

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?

I am very happy in San Diego :)

6. What did you have for breakfast?

Celery and water

7. What is your favorite cuisine?

Mexican and Italian

8. What foods do you dislike?

Any meat with bones in it.

9. Favorite Place to Eat?

Applebees

10. Favorite dressing?

Blue Cheese

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?

Honda Accord

12. What are your favorite clothes?

My biggest size jeans and a t-shirt that hides my excess fat

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?

Guam

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?

Depends on the day

15. Where would you want to retire?

San Diego would be nice. Perfect weather :)

16. Favorite time of day?

Mid Morning,that seems to be when I accomplish the most.

17. Where were you born?

St. George, Utah

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?

Not a sports fan

19. Who do you think will not tag you back?

?

20. Person you expect to tag you back first?

Who knows?

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?

Everyone

22. Bird watcher?

Sometimes

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?

Night person, I have problems sleeping.

24. Pets?

No Thanks

25. Any new and exciting news that you'd like to share?

I wish I could say that I was pregnant, someday

26. What did you want to be when you were little?

I wanted to own my own flower shop.

27. What is your best childhood memory?

So many. The best are probably the times we went camping as a family to Gunlock.

What happened to number 28?

29. Are you married?

Happily

30. Always wear your seat belt?

Yes

31. Been in a car accident?

Yes, a few

32. Any pet peeves?

Slow drivers in the fast lane.

33. Favorite pizza topping?

Spinach

34. Favorite Flower?

Stargazer Lilies

35. Favorite candy?

sixlets

36. Favorite fast food restaurant?

McDonalds

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test?

The written part, once

38. From whom did you get your last email?

Blurb, it's almost time to turn my blog into a book for the past year.

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?

I can't think of any, there is nothing I want so bad that would require maxing out the credit card.

40. Do anything spontaneous lately?

No, I'm a pretty tame person.

41. Like your job?

Yep, I love being a mom. :)

42. Broccoli?

That's whats for dinner tonight

43. What was your favorite vacation?

My trip to Europe in High School

44. Last person you went out to dinner with?

David took me to Texas Roadhouse while we were in St. George.

45. What are you listening to right now?

The LDS Christmas collection CD that David got me yesterday at Deseret Book

46. What is your favorite color?

Purple

47. How many tattoos do you have & what are they?

None

48. Coffee drinker?

I love the smell of coffee.

49. How many children do you have?

One daughter of my own and one step daughter.

Just stuff...no pictures

I have been thinking a lot today about Gratitude. Not a big surprise since it is the Thanksgiving season. David has been gone a week now and even though I miss him terribly things are okay. He sacrifices so much for our family. I am eternally grateful to David. He is the most wonderful spouse, father and friend. He does so much for me and gives so selflessly. I am grateful to my Father in Heaven for so many things. I am grateful for my calling. This Wednesday we had activity days. I was super nervous because I was the one in charge and I was teaching the girls a family home evening lesson on the First Vision and prayer. We had nineteen of us squeezed into a little classroom. We have serious room issues. Two wards and a branch all have all the youth activities on the same night, so there are lots of kids at the church and our poor activity group are the ones that are kicked from room to room. We make it work though. Back to my gratitude, I wondered how much the girls got out of the lesson and if they had a good time. A few of the older girls kept complaining that they have had this same lesson three or four times. These same girls bring their electronic devices and disrupt the activity. Overall the activity went well. I enjoy our activities (most of the time). Thursday was our wards Relief Society meeting (or whatever they call them now). The Bishops wife approached me and told me how excited her daughter was after our activity days and how she couldn't wait to share the lesson with her family for Family Home Evening. It was her daughters first activity. The bishops wife's words made me feel so good! I am grateful that I have the opportunity to work with these girls and maybe teach one or two of them more about the gospel. Yesterday I went and bought a car window marker. I wrote for sale on the Fords windows. We have been having some issues with the Ford. Both David and I dislike the Ford. I refuse to drive it so David has been stuck with it. We have been talking about selling it since we have another car that was being repaired and we defiantly don't need three cars. The check engine light has been on in the Ford for quite some time. We took it to Pep Boys and they checked it out and told us that there are two codes that account for the check engine light being on, the water pump needs replaced, the heater doesn't work, one tire needs replaced, the arm rest in the middle of the two front seats busted off and only half of the lights on the dashboard work. So around three in the afternoon I wrote for sale on the windows, not really thinking that anything would happen right away. By five thirty I had sold the Ford for $1000 cash. I know that's not a lot of money and I might have got more had I waited to see if anyone else came about the car, but I felt good about it so I went ahead and sold it. Today Christy and I had a great day. It's been a while since I can say that that has happened. We butt heads so much. But not today. Tonight we went to the movies and tomorrow there are some fun activities going on at two of the bases. This morning I went visiting teaching. I just became a visiting teacher and I am excited about it. I am looking forward to getting to know more women in the ward. The message that was given was about Gratitude and how we should not just be thankful but live a live full of gratitude. We talked about different ways that we can daily live a gratitude filled life. This week two different ladies in the ward have given Christy clothes. One lady gave me three bags full and the other lady gave me a bunch of dresses for Christy. Christy already has plenty of clothes. She has so many that once she wears each article I wash it and set it aside until she cycles thru all her clothes. I am so grateful to these women that thought of Christy and decided to share these clothes with us. Even though Christy has tons she was so excited to get some new to her stuff. Also on Thursday I was able to attend the food exchange and receive food for my family. The extra food we get each month really helps supplement and stretch my food budget. I am grateful though that I do not have to depend on the food exchange and other food sources to feed my family. I offer my thanks so often that we live in the comfortable circumstances that we do. Daily I am reminded of what it would be like when I pass the homeless on the streets. I am grateful that occasionally I can afford to give them a small monetary donation. I am so thankful to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I would not want to live a life without the Church. So many times members of the Church have reached out and touched my life whether they were aware or not. Also the many blessings that come from being a member bring so many daily blessing, both large and small. I am grateful to the knowledge I have that I can pray and speak directly with my Heavenly Father. I am so grateful to my earthly family both immediate and extended. Families are such a great support system. I love my parents for all that they have taught me and continue to teach me and for the examples they are to me and my siblings. Because of the things they taught me and the lives that they have led their future generations have been blessed. This is my most favorite time of the year. I love the smell, the colors, the grateful attitudes, the gifts both given and received (not just worldly gifts) and the love. Oh yes and we can not forget to be grateful to modern medicine! Well that's all of my ramblings for now. I hope as Thanksgiving Day approaches that we can take a quiet moment and think over all the things that we have to be grateful for and how we can live a gratitude filled live each and every day!